The entire audience of a special taping of The Oprah Winfrey Show has gone insanely wild after opening a tiny box and finding the keys to a great again America inside.
“You get a great again America, you get a great again America, you get a great again America, everybody gets a great again America,” screamed host Oprah Winfrey. “Everybody gets a G20 nation where news isn’t fake and elected representatives are working in the interests of every citizen.”
“Oh my God, I’ve got a great again America where the Star Wars sequels don’t suck,” shrieked audience member Lou-Anne Twinkie.
“In my great again America there’s no such thing as a selfie stick,” said a tearful Betty Loudshirt.
“I’ve got a great again America where Old Yeller dies peacefully of old age at the end of the movie,” said a blubbering Billie Rootbeer. “And the Academy awards don’t have that category for sound mixing so we don’t have to watch four guys in suits give boring acceptance speeches anymore. Yippee.”
“In my great again America narcissistic celebrities who relentlessly pursue political power without thinking through whether they have any viable practical policies don’t exist,” said more subdued audience member Cherie Redbarn before being quietly ushered away and given a great again America that wasn’t defective.