Hillary Clinton Leads Most Boring And Predictable Presidential Campaign On Record


The 2016 American presidential campaign has panned out as predicted with long time favourite Hillary Clinton maintaining a healthy 12 point lead over her Republican opponent, obscure New York businessman Don Trump.

“We’ve been hard pressed to find anything at all to write about this past year as the process to find a successor to Barack Obama has ground out to its inexorable foregone conclusion,” said veteran Washington journalist Hildy Johnson. “I’ve been banging my head against a wall but haven’t even come remotely close to finding any reason to churn out an opinion piece or some long winded thesis on what this all means for the state of American society. We’ve just got nothing to work with.”

“You might as well stick a wig on a blancmange for all the personality this Trump bloke brings to the story,” said late night host and political satirist Jerry Langford. “We’ve had nada to poke fun at, make memes about or send out bogus reporters to mingle with rednecks over. Twitter and Facebook have been eerily silent.”

Polling showed Clinton with a comfortable 4 to 18 point lead over each member of the Republican candidate pack back in May 2015 and this has changed little over the course of a campaign that most voters tuned out of more than a year ago.

“If only we had some exciting candidates like you Aussies had in your election this year,” said Vermont voter Richard Loudon. “We’d kill right now to have someone with the charisma of your Bill Shorten giving Hillary a red hot run for her money instead of this blando Trump guy.”

Peter Green

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