The Chinese government has issued a grovelling apology to the Australian people for assuming that we’d ever pay any attention to Sam Dastyari’s opinion on anything.
“We have insulted the intelligence of an entire country by choosing Senator Dastyari above any other public loudmouth to convey our message that we aren’t up to anything suss in the South China Sea,” said Chinese ambassador Cheng Jingye. “Although you’ve got to admit when it comes to finding an Australian politician whose opinions should be taken seriously it’s pretty slim pickings.”
“Mate I wouldn’t take Sam Dastyari’s advice on which way to scrunch up my dunny paper before taking a wipe,” said typical Australian in the street Digger McStruth of Tamworth. “It’s the lack of respect shown to my reasoning abilities that hurts the most. I didn’t even realise the guy was a full on Senator. I just thought he was some aggravatingly chatty bus driver that Bill Shorten had hired to drive the Bill Bus and after the election he’d gone back to driving pensioners around on day trips.”
The scandal over Dastyari has led to the exposure of other Australian politicians on the payroll of foreign interests.
“I confess that ISIS pays me in cash and halal snack packs to continually promote their interests in this country,” admitted Pauline Hanson. “At least in my case ISIS is getting value for money because no-one has done more than me to drive their agenda. If China ever wants to provoke a war with Australia they know where to find me.”
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