Former Prime Minister and curer of insomnia, John Winston Howard has today been awarded an honourary Doctorate from the Australian school of grooming. The award is for his tireless devotion to raising awareness among males of the need to groom their eyebrows.
Dr Ian Lash of the Australian school of grooming spoke to The (un)Australian about the award and it’s recipient, saying: “ John Howard has done so much work in raising the awareness amongst men of the need to groom your eyebrows. He has tirelessly let his eyebrows run wild on the world stage for years, his resolve is inspiring.”
Dr Howard, as he is now known, spoke of his delight at receiving the award, saying: “I’m glad to be honoured for my eyebrow work, I think I set the gold standard in how eyebrows shouldn’t look over the years.”
However the awarding of the honourary doctorate wasn’t met with universal praise with a group of 130 waxers and make-up artists protesting the decision. They claimed that Howard being a doctor of grooming was hypocritical as he never once trimmed his eyebrows whilst in office.