South Australian Premier At Victorian Border Wanting To Buy 10 Million Size D Batteries


Counter staff at an all night service station in Kaniva were startled last night when Jay Weatherill pulled up in a ute and offered to purchase the entire stock of size D batteries.

“He cleaned us out of torch batteries and candles and then confused us by trying to order something called a ‘fritz’ sandwich,” said BP service station manager Lochie Fraser. “As soon as the ute was overflowing with batteries he did a massive u-ey and headed back in the direction of Bordertown.”

With the South Australian electricity grid currently running on its back up generator of a large potato with a zinc and a copper nail stuck in it, the Premier undertook a desperate late night journey to try to keep the state supplied with power.

“Admittedly this is the closest that Adelaide’s nightlife has ever come to looking like Las Vegas,” said Mr Weatherill as he drove back through the blacked out city. “I’ve got the entire cabinet furiously pedalling bicycles in an attempt to give us enough energy to power the Glenelg tram for tomorrow morning’s rush hour. In the meantime I’d suggest the residents of the state kick back with a bottle of red and gather around a candle to read Storm Boy again.”

The rest of Australia is spending today not answering phone calls from (08) telephone numbers in the hope that this will fool South Australians into thinking that a zombie apocalypse has begun.

Peter Green

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Categories: State

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