Masked gunmen have made off with $14 million worth of ego after holding up Kim Kardashian in her luxury hotel room Paris.
“I’ve just realised that all I am is some guy who pinches other people’s riffs and turns them into overrated background tunes,” said an egoless Kanye West who cut a live performance short after being suddenly struck with a sense of his own essential mediocrity. “I had this sudden insight that all these people in the audience had worked hard for the money they had spent on the tickets to my show and deserved much better then the tripe I was dealing out to them.”
“There is a thriving underground market for stolen egos from rich criminals with low self esteem,” said Interpol officer Jean-Paul le Gumshoe. “If anyone has a previously obscure friend who has suddenly started swanning around as if they think the world needs to hear about every time they belch or scratch their bum we’d like to know about it.”
Presidential candidate Donald Trump has offered to lend the couple several million dollars worth of his own ego until their insurance company is able to supply them with a replacement.
“I can feel their pain because I’d just be some orange coloured goose with crappy hair if anyone stole my ego,” said Mr Trump as he stopped off at his local Bunnings to buy some wall building tools. “I imagine right now the egos are being cut down into smaller unidentifiable pieces of confidence to be sold on the street to small time crooks wanting to get up the courage to ask out a girl or pose for a selfie.”
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