Australia’s Spotty McSpotfaces are in a state of outrage and thousands of oompah loompahs are out of work after an attack by the Petya ransomware virus caused the Cadburys chocolate factory in Hobart to stop its production line.
“My bathroom mirror has never been cleaner,” admitted Cooktown acne sufferer Fred Zitmug. “I never really cared much about these cyber attacks in the past but this time its personal. If I don’t get my daily supply of Freddo Frogs and Caramello Koalas things could turn really ugly.”
“For the first time in years my face doesn’t look like the surface of the moon and I’m not happy about it,” complained Spotswood chocoholic Augustus Gloop. “I don’t know what to do with my hands when I’m stopped at the traffic lights without any whiteheads to pop.”
Shares in Clearasil have plummeted and the streets of Hobart are filling up with homeless oompah loompahs living rough after being laid off following Monday night’s cyber attack.
“The company cannot comment on whether it has paid any ransom to the hackers,” said Cadburys executive Cherie Ripely. “I just happen to be carrying around this brown paper bag containing $300 worth of unmarked gold tinfoil wrapped chocolate coins for no reason at all.”