Spotty McSpotfaces Hit Hard By Cadburys Cyber Attack

Australia’s Spotty McSpotfaces are in a state of outrage and thousands of oompah loompahs are out of work after an attack by the Petya ransomware virus caused the Cadburys chocolate factory in Hobart to stop its production line.

“My bathroom mirror has never been cleaner,” admitted Cooktown acne sufferer Fred Zitmug. “I never really cared much about these cyber attacks in the past but this time its personal. If I don’t get my daily supply of Freddo Frogs and Caramello Koalas things could turn really ugly.”

“For the first time in years my face doesn’t look like the surface of the moon and I’m not happy about it,” complained Spotswood chocoholic Augustus Gloop. “I don’t know what to do with my hands when I’m stopped at the traffic lights without any whiteheads to pop.”

Shares in Clearasil have plummeted and the streets of Hobart are filling up with homeless oompah loompahs living rough after being laid off following Monday night’s cyber attack.

“The company cannot comment on whether it has paid any ransom to the hackers,” said Cadburys executive Cherie Ripely. “I just happen to be carrying around this brown paper bag containing $300 worth of unmarked gold tinfoil wrapped chocolate coins for no reason at all.”

Peter Green

In Sydney? Come and see our special encore perform of our Sydney Comedy Festival show, That’s (un)Australian! on July 7, 7.30pm at the Harold Park Hotel in Glebe. Book tickets here.

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter or like us on facebook.

Categories: Science

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: