Opposition leader and enthusiastic Voldemort cos-player, Peter Dutton, has sent his apologies to the organisers of last weekends women’s marches, telling them that he was busy washing his hair.

”I know it may appear that I do not have any hair but I do in fact have one hair and I look after it meticulously,” said the Opposition leader. ”I meant to ask one of my shadow ministers to attend the event, but, the only one free was Barnaby Joyce.”

”And let’s face it, not the wisest move to put the fox in the hen house.”

When asked what policies he as the alternative PM would come up with to tackle violence against women, Voldemort, err, Dutton said: ”We will take a hard line against anyone who disagrees with us.”

”Whether it be lefties, inner-city elites or domestic violence perpetrators, they will respect the Dutton rule of law or otherwise end up on Nauru.”

”This country has been too soft for too long, I will make sure it stands up to the World.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to give Angus Taylor his weekly slap around the head.

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Categories: Politics

Tags: abc730, Albo, Angus Taylor, Anthony Albanese, auspol, Australia, Barnaby Joyce, Canberra, Insiders, Peter Dutton, protest, QandA, satire, Women