The world stands on the brink of having to watch a whole new season of M*A*S*H as leaders decide how to respond to Kim Jong Un’s testing of an intercontinental ballistic missile.
“If war breaks out the west will have no alternative other than to commission another series of the wacky antics of Hawkeye Pierce, Hotlips Houlihan and Charles Winchester amidst the absurdities of war on the Korean peninsula,” said terrified expert in strategic studies Steven Maclean. “I mean Gary Burghoff was already fifty five years old the first time around ridiculously trying to make Radar O’Reilly look like a teenager, so I’m guessing they’ll get Warren Beatty to play the character this time. I just feel unable to cope with another one of those miserable episodes where BJ gets a letter from home and goes all maudlin. We’ll have to brace ourselves for millions of refugees wanting to move somewhere without cable television.”
“These are the same guys who told us that Kim Jong Il shot 18 holes in one the first time he played a round of golf so of course we’re taking their claims of building an ICBM very seriously,” said Pentagon analyst Colonel Sam Flagg. “The thing we fear most about North Korea is that Kim Jong Un has inherited his dad’s golfing abilities and that he’ll come over here and win all our golfing majors.”
The world is holding its breath as it tries to second guess how an overweight, babyish leader with terrible hair will flex his military muscles. It is also carefully keeping an eye on Kim Jong Un.
“Hopefully cooler heads will prevail and we won’t have to unfurl “The Swamp” or deal with thirteen more years of Alan Alda’s irritating Groucho Marx shtick,” commented Henry Kissenger. “However, looking at the rise of far right nutjobs around the planet I greatly fear we may see an outbreak of Hogan’s Heroes, Dad’s Army and ‘Allo ‘Allo.”