The shocked family of Hugh Hefner were mortified to discover a whole pile of dirty magazines hidden under his bed as they started the heartrending job of sorting through his possessions.
“When we lifted up dad’s big circular bed to take it out to the tip we discovered this whole secret side to him that we knew nothing about,” said Hefner’s son. “He must have been very lonely in his run down old mansion. I guess we should have visited him more often but we were busy with the kids and work and stuff.”
“Dad had hundreds of hot young models in bikinis that he’d collected over the years that we’ll have to put out on the kerb for hard rubbish day. Hopefully someone who drives by will want them.”
“It looks like no-one has put any chlorine into the hot tub for a couple of years,” said Hefner’s sad nephew. “Hef must have reached the point where he just couldn’t be bothered scooping the algae off the surface any more. I probably should have come around to visit more often but I just got sick of hearing his stories about the days when he used to hang out with Eisenhower and Norman Mailer and Jules Feiffer.”
The family spent the rest of the day filling three plastic bags full of maroon smoking jackets to take down to St Vinnies.
Peter Green
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