Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has blasted the behaviour of the Australian Men’s Cricket Team and demanded a recall of Australia’s greatest ever player: “The chaps at the office tell me the current Australian Captain, Geoff Smith, is the second best player only to this Dave Bradman fellow. Well why on Earth isn’t Bradman playing? What are they thinking down at Cricket Australia?”
Mr Turnbull also called for more sweeping changes: “People tell me Lillian Thompson used to strike fear into the Poms. Well call her up. Get her back into the team. And Steve Chappell. I remember him. Now there was a man of integrity. And what ever happened to his brother Graham Chappell? He was an underarm bowler wasn’t he? Maybe that’s what we need.”
Mr Turnbull was critical of the culture of cheating and scandal within the Australian Cricket team. “If you want to run an organisation with integrity, it has to come from the top. If you look at our government, under my leadership we work as a cohesive unit to achieve results the Australian people can be proud of. We have a set of rules and a code of conduct and all the members of our team respect me and my leadership and you’ll never see any indiscretions under my watch. Maybe this Don Lehman fellow could learn a few lessons from me.”
You can check out our new show Decennium Horribilius at this year’s Sydney Comedy Festival. Hosted by The (un)Australian, the quiz show features teams of some of Sydney’s best comics trying to answer questions about the decade of the 1990s — with prizes for the audience.
Saturday May 5, 5.30pm. The Factory Theatre. Book tickets here.