“Australian Cricketers Have Brought Shame To Our Nation” Says Nation That Tortures Children

The Australian public has condemned their cricket team over the cheating scandal that has engulfed the team’s South African tour. Calling it the darkest day in Australian history, the emphasised it was the worst thing any Australian has ever done, including what we are currently doing to children on Manus island.

“Mate it’s just wrong what they did they oughta be flogged. Cheating is not on,” said Australian Cricket fan Macca. “I mean I know it’s a pressure situation representing your country but you need to show the other side some respect I mean how would we like it if they did it.”

When it was put to Macca how we ought to be looking after asylum seekers as opposed to jailing them indefinitely, he responded: “Ah mate, that’s a different issue. It’s not as important as sport. I mean come on it’s the cricket mate. Those people in boats you know Minister Dutton said they’re not actually asylum seekers but cashed up tourists so you know let’s focus on the big issues like what we are going to do to Steve Smith.”

“Maybe we could send Smith and Warner to Manus Island. Can any of those refugees bat or better yet captain a side that doesn’t cheat?”

The Australian Government has responded to the Australian cricket teams cheating by sending over special envoy Barnaby Joyce. Mr Joyce will teach the team about ethics, integrity and being honest with your partner about cheating.

Mark Williamson

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Categories: Sport

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7 replies

  1. The Australian cricket team have long been bullies. They are a reflection of our banks, mining companies and our current Australian Government.


  2. I don’t have a shred of the “sports-gene” & am glad of that, when matters like this arise! Melbourne has just endured the vile Grand Prick and owe have scandal with boys playing with their halls, in the MOST unethical way….if E quite happy if both the Grand Prick and the entire rocket team were sent to Manus/Nauru orHeard Island permanently! Just saying ( LOL)


  3. I love the articles people, but is it possible to actually use correct punctuation and grammar in your articles?
    It doesn’t make them more or less funny BUT does show that you actually know how to use the language correctly!


  4. It’s funny… but you could at least get the story right. There are no children on Manus, but there are 150 or so on Nauru.


  5. Who
    The fuck
    Is Macca?


  6. After the investigation is completed “Everyone” found involved in the ball tempering saga should be sacked and banned from the game. A Zero Tolerance approach in my view is needed to send a strong message to any body else that may consider this strategy in the future. This will help restore some credibility in our game although this will take quite some time before we get to that point!


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