The Australian public has condemned their cricket team over the cheating scandal that has engulfed the team’s South African tour. Calling it the darkest day in Australian history, the emphasised it was the worst thing any Australian has ever done, including what we are currently doing to children on Manus island.
“Mate it’s just wrong what they did they oughta be flogged. Cheating is not on,” said Australian Cricket fan Macca. “I mean I know it’s a pressure situation representing your country but you need to show the other side some respect I mean how would we like it if they did it.”
When it was put to Macca how we ought to be looking after asylum seekers as opposed to jailing them indefinitely, he responded: “Ah mate, that’s a different issue. It’s not as important as sport. I mean come on it’s the cricket mate. Those people in boats you know Minister Dutton said they’re not actually asylum seekers but cashed up tourists so you know let’s focus on the big issues like what we are going to do to Steve Smith.”
“Maybe we could send Smith and Warner to Manus Island. Can any of those refugees bat or better yet captain a side that doesn’t cheat?”
The Australian Government has responded to the Australian cricket teams cheating by sending over special envoy Barnaby Joyce. Mr Joyce will teach the team about ethics, integrity and being honest with your partner about cheating.
You can check out our new show Decennium Horribilius at this year’s Sydney Comedy Festival. Hosted by The (un)Australian, the quiz show features teams of some of Sydney’s best comics trying to answer questions about the decade of the 1990s — with prizes for the audience.
Saturday May 5, 5.30pm. The Factory Theatre. Book tickets here.