The Minister for Immigration and aspiring Bond villain Peter Dutton has denied claims he cheated. Despite being caught on camera adjusting a visa with an au pair that he pulled out of his pocket.
“This is 100% fake news. Those who accuse me of these actions are dead to me. They are worse than crooked Hillary,” said a furious Minister Dutton. “It is a simple misunderstanding I was merely adjusting the visa shining it if you will. I did not tamper with it and definitely did not alter it to benefit Myself or any of my teammates.”
When asked whether he expected to be punished for his actions Minister Dutton replied: “No I have the full support of James Sutherland and Cricket Australia.”
Pressed on whether he had the Prime Minister’s support Dutton replied: “Like I care about Malcolm, he’s merely keeping the seat warm till I take over. All hail Lord Dutton, kneel peasant before I send you off to Manus island.”
Minister Dutton is expected to line up in the next test against South Africa where he is expected to play the role of a stump.
You can check out our new show Decennium Horribilius at this year’s Sydney Comedy Festival. Hosted by The (un)Australian, the quiz show features teams of some of Sydney’s best comics trying to answer questions about the decade of the 1990s — with prizes for the audience.
Saturday May 5, 5.30pm. The Factory Theatre. Book tickets here.