The projected completion date of the 12 kilometer Sydney light rail project has been pushed back to one day after the heat death of the universe, in approximately 10100 years from next Wednesday.
“Commuters enjoying a 35 minute faster journey from Randwick to the CBD on opening day will be doing so in a universe that has no thermodynamic free energy, so they may have to rug up a bit,” said Transport Minister Andrew Constance. “Our initial projected opening date of March 2019 has proven to be a tad optimistic.”
Construction of the light rail has been plagued by unexpected underground hazards such as Ausgrid cables, ant nests, Morlock tunnels, giant Gippsland earthworms and a diamond mine worked by seven dwarves.
“We’ve only just updated our map of buried victims of mob hits and there are a lot more on the route then we originally budgeted for,” admitted project foreman Tony Shovel. “Fortunately life as we know it will have long ceased to exist by the time the first trams are rolling so services will have no pesky passengers slowing them down and making them run out of timetable order.”
The NSW state government is banking on energy lost to heat due to Newton’s second law of thermodynamics destroying the legal system before any compensation payments need to be made to Spanish contractor Passiona.