Close friends of a follically challenged shire man have noted that he looks spookily like another bald guy they see around the place.

“I swear Gerry and this other guy could be twins,” said Sutherland car horn detailer Ben Weatherby about his best mate Gerry Simonson. “I thought I recognised his big shiny scone in Cronulla Mall the other day and was about smack him on the back of the head and say “how ya goin’ you chromey domey bastard” when some sixth sense made me stop. Just as well because this other guy had a neck tattoo of Eeyore the donkey and I know Gerry is afraid of needles.”

“He sometimes buys a sourdough from the bakery in Miranda Fair and he always wears the same sort of blue shirt that Gerry wears,” said Gymea Bay feather duster reconditioner Melanie Dudgeon. “Even my boyfriend Todd thought he looked a bit like him but if I hadn’t pointed it out he probably wouldn’t have noticed.”

The confusion over Simonson and the other bald guy has prompted calls for a law making it compulsory for bald guys to get a tattoo so we can tell them apart from each other.

“I’m sick and tired of lazy people with luxuriant heads of hair not making the effort to use some other feature other than our skid lids as a means of quick identification in the street,” said Gavin Stonestreet, president of the Australian Bald Guys Association, who I thought was my mate Barry when he first walked into the room. “I’m always getting mistaken for some guy called Neville but if you put a wig on both of us we look nothing at all alike.”

Peter Green
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Tags: Advanced Hair, Bald Guy, Discrimination, Foliacally Challenged, Greg Matthews, Shane Warne