Doctors Fear Vaping Is Re-Normalising Being A Wanker Amongst Young People


Medical authorities have warned that the popularity of e-cigarettes is leading to a resurgence of wankerhood amongst young users, winding back decades of anti wankerness campaigning.

“The evidence is overwhelming that vaping is a gateway to riding around the city streets on one of those motorised one wheeled things,” reports Dr Walter Lewis from the Wanker Institute. “Over 99% of guys who put up black and white Instagram photos of themselves reclining on the back of a motorbike have tried vaping.”

“Big Wanker have used these tactics since time immemorial, such as when they pushed sleeve tattoos in the 2000s and car phones in the early 1980s,” said Georgina Matthews, CEO of the Quit Being A Wanker campaign. “We believe vaping devices should come in plain labels with anti wanker slogans printed on them such as This Product could lead to your Netflix recommendations being dominated by Wes Anderson movies.”

The vaping industry has hit back, saying that vaping actually decreases wankerness by steering users away from harder forms of wankerhood.

“Vaping is an excellent and harmless alternative to getting a manbun or opening up a tiny absinthe bar in a city lane decorated with your mum’s old tea towels,” said vaping apparatus industry spokesperson Reeynard Simons. “I know. I used to tell my friends I was leaving Australia to go and live in Berlin twenty times a day before discovering vaping. Now it’s something I only do at parties. It also encouraged me to chuck that blob of white muck in a jar that I made my own kambucha from into the bin.”

Peter Green

Courtesy of

Categories: Science

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: