Shrinking Wagon Wheels Prove The Universe Is Contracting, Say Physicists


The shrinking size of Wagon Wheels is proof that the universe has stopped expanding, according to Nobel Prize winning physicists working at the Hadron Collider.

“Judging by the relative width and thickness of Wagon Wheels, we speculate that the universe stopped expanding sometime around the middle of 1972,” said Professor Audrey Higgs-Boson from the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN). “The fundamental forces of the universe have changed direction, causing shrinkage in the size of the average jam, biscuit and marshmallow atoms.”

“Wagon Wheels used to be three times the size of your freaking hands and as thick as a discus, now they’re about the size of a compact disc,” said Nobel Prize winner Dr Anton Strange-Charm. “I suspect that the contraction of the universe is most evident in them because of the dark energy contained in the chocolate outer coating. If this contraction continues I’d expect to see Wagon Wheels the size of a button just prior to The Big Crunch, when all of the matter in the universe is once again concentrated into a singularity.”

The contraction of the universe is being accompanied by the reversal of the flow of time.

“You only need to look at Police officers to realise that time has started to flow in the opposite direction,” said Associate Professor Doris Gluon. “Police officers look younger and younger every year because Police officers are now moving backwards on the space time continuum.”

Peter Green

Courtesy of

Categories: Science

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 reply

  1. 😂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: