The Department of Health and the Australian National Centre for Disease Control have confirmed that thousands of Australians have been struck down with the Victoria Bitter virus.
The outbreak occurred over the Australia Day long weekend, with many sufferers forced to call in sick on Tuesday morning.
“It’s a pretty shameful virus,” a Health official told the (un)Australian. “It often presents with a more nasal voice and skin pigmentation similar to that of the Southern Cross.”
Officials believe the magnitude of the outbreak was due to the sharing of unsanitary beverages at social gatherings over the weekend.
The government has issued a warning to those affected to avoid travel and self-medicate with a servo pie and or a chocolate paddle pop.
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