A recorder player is fighting for his life in intensive care after attempting to entertain the fellow residents of his block of flats with an impromptu concert from his balcony.

“Barry had seen those YouTube videos from overseas of opera singers and guitarists doing performances on their balconies to raise the spirits of their neighbourhoods and decided to dust off his recorder and do the same thing,” said the tearful wife of Caringbah recorder player Barry Tootle. “He’d gotten through “London Bridge Is Falling Down”, “Go and Tell Aunt Nancy”, and was halfway through a topical recital of “Hot Cross Buns” when an angry mob broke down the front door.”

“We had to perform a very tricky eight hour long operation to remove the recorder from deep inside the patient’s intestinal tract,” said exhausted bowel surgeon Dr Adrianna Forceps. “It is touch and go as to whether he’ll pull through, though whatever happens the recorder is no longer playable, so that is good news at least.”

The New South Wales Health Minister has put out a plea to recorder players, ukulele players, piano accordianists, and especially bagpipers to desist from playing in public.

“Intensive care beds are at a premium and we wish to reserve them for patients with Covid 19,” said a furious Brad Hazzard. “And obviously to be able to place the recorder where it was within the body of the patient the angry mob had to break the state’s social distancing laws, though I doubt we’ll be laying any charges for humanitarian reasons.”

Peter Green

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Categories: Arts

Tags: Andrea Bocelli, Annoying, Apartments, Australia, Comedy, coronavirus, COVID-19, health, Italy, music, Pandemic, recorder