Author Archives
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Sports Journalists Astounded To Discover That Women Menstruate
Sports journalists across the world have been flabbergasted to uncover the shocking truth – female athletes menstruate. The shocking news broke out when English tennis player Heather Watson blamed her first-round loss in the Australian Open on her match coinciding… Read More ›
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App Whizkid Makes Millions With Regret Calculator
Eugene Freckle has quickly become one of Australia’s youngest ever millionaires, at the age of sixteen, by creating a smartphone app that allows you to calculate how much regret you have in your life. Regrets such as working behind a… Read More ›
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David Warner Named Australia Day Ambassador
Cricketer David Warner has been named Australia Day ambassador, narrowly edging out Eddie Maguire and Professor Barry Spurr in what Border Protection Minister Peter Dutton labelled “the purest race in years”. “By demanding an Indian batsman ‘speak English’, not only did… Read More ›
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Budgets Cuts Needed As We Will Soon Live Forever On Mars, Hockey Says
Treasurer Joe Hockey has insisted it is essential for the Senate to pass the Abbott government’s proposed budget cuts as humanity was on the verge of discovering the secret to Eternal Life and would soon begin colonising Mars. Speaking to The… Read More ›
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Government To Convene ‘Citizens’ Assembly’ To Establish Consensus On Medicare Reform
The Abbott government will ask a “citizens assembly” for advice on reforming medicare under a key part of the Coalition’s new health policy announced by the prime minister today and to be rescinded by the health minister tomorrow. The (un)Australian… Read More ›
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World Leaders Meet New Threat With Resolute Indecision
Only weeks after the wildly successful climate summit in Peru, with its landmark agreement that all the important and difficult decisions should be put off until later, world leaders have again met at hastily convened emergency talks to tackle a… Read More ›
The (un)Australian 