Following his ascension to leader of the Opposition, the Dark Lord Peter Dutton has released his colleagues loved ones from the holding cells in his lair deep in the bowels of Parliament house. ”I’m a big believer in insurance, whether… Read More ›
Voldemort
“Just Call Me The Big C,” Says Dutton In Pitch To Conservative Voters
Aspiring Opposition leader and a man that our Lawyers say does not resemble Lord Voldemort Peter Dutton has told conservative voters that he is one of them and they should refer to him as the Big C. ”A lot of… Read More ›
Man Who Can’t Count To 43 Doesn’t Rule Out Becoming Treasurer
The Dark Lord Peter Dutton has been keenly following his colleague Josh Frydenberg’s struggles to retain his seat at the upcoming election, telling his fellow Death Eaters that he’d consider becoming Treasurer should the opportunity arise. ”The Dark Lord has… Read More ›
Dutton Defends Using Go Fund Me Cash To Buy Puppies For Strangling
Australia’s Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has defended his decision to use funds raised for Queensland flood relief to purchase puppies to strangle. ”My role is very stressful and I’m sure that the people in my electorate want… Read More ›
Dead Unicorn Found On Parliament House Roof Points To A Return Of The Dark Lord
Canberra’s Parliamentary groundskeeper has reportedly found a deceased Unicorn on the roof of Parliament house with those inside fearful that it indicates a return of the Dark Lord to Canberra. “These are dire times if he who must not be… Read More ›
Slow News Week Leads News Corp To Prod Dutton To Challenge ScoMo For The Leadership
A slow news week has lead to the team behind Australia’s largest satirical news network News Corp to prod the Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton to consider challenging his colleague Scott ‘ScoMo’ Morrison for the leadership. “Sometimes when… Read More ›
The (un)Australian 