Australia’s Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has defended his decision to use funds raised for Queensland flood relief to purchase puppies to strangle. ”My role is very stressful and I’m sure that the people in my electorate want… Read More ›
Voldemort
Dead Unicorn Found On Parliament House Roof Points To A Return Of The Dark Lord
Canberra’s Parliamentary groundskeeper has reportedly found a deceased Unicorn on the roof of Parliament house with those inside fearful that it indicates a return of the Dark Lord to Canberra. “These are dire times if he who must not be… Read More ›
Slow News Week Leads News Corp To Prod Dutton To Challenge ScoMo For The Leadership
A slow news week has lead to the team behind Australia’s largest satirical news network News Corp to prod the Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton to consider challenging his colleague Scott ‘ScoMo’ Morrison for the leadership. “Sometimes when… Read More ›
Dutton Invites Labor’s Shadow Minister For Home Affairs Over For A Drink Of Polyjuice Potion
Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has extended an invitation to his Labor counterpart to join him for a round of drinks, in particular, a new cocktail he’s been working on called a Polyjuice Potion. “A lot of people… Read More ›
Dutton Encourages Parents To Smack The Compassion Out Of Their Kids
Minister for the Dark Arts Peter Dutton has directed Australian parents to ensure that they eradicate all compassion out of their children from a young age and to do so by smacking them if necessary. “We do not want a… Read More ›
Ministry Warns Of The Rise Of The Dark Lord
Malcolm Turnbull’s cabinet are growing increasingly fearful that he is risking the rise to power of the Dark Lord by continually saying his name out loud. Foreign Minister, Julie Bishop, this morning spoke nervously: “None of us want to see… Read More ›
The (un)Australian 