Dutton Celebrates Surviving The Week With All His Horcruxes Intact

Opposition leader the Dark Lord Peter Dutton has celebrated surviving the first week of Parliament with all his horcruxes intact.

”The Dark Lord has survived a bruising first week,” said a Spokes Death Eater for the Dark Lord. ”Harry Albanese came hard at the Dark Lord but did not land a fatal blow.”

”Young Albo does not wield the powerful Murdoch wand that is needed to vanquish the Dark Lord.”

When asked whether given the publics low perception of politics whether the Opposition leader would endeavour to lift the standards of parliament, the Spokes Death Eater said: ”This is not politics, this is a battle of life and death.”

”So much is at stake, the Dark Lord will rule the land and the streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, the Dark Lord has asked me to run some errands. Do you know where I can pick up some puppies for him the strangle?”

Mark Williamson


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