Panic erupted among security for British Prime Minister David Cameron yesterday when the Conservative Party leader accidentally brushed against a commoner.
The incident occurred after a major security lapse caused the PM to walk down a street that included an actual member of the public, who was seemingly unaware he was at risk of inadvertently touching a superior.
Cameron, an Eton old boy, was immediately bundled into a car and the errant pleb arrested. But Cameron’s head of security, Sir Wallace Griggs-Harrington, admitted it was a close call: “We interrogated the plebeian and our worse fears were confirmed when he confessed he had not been to any major public schools at all, let alone graduated from Oxford or Cambridge.
“It turns out he is a mere IT consultant with a degree from the London School of Economics, so as you can imagine the Prime Minister was quite shaken by the incident. At least he wasn’t a manual labourer, but still, it is has given us all a shock.
“Luckily, the PM was up-to-date on all his shots, so we will just keep him under observation for a few days for any signs of poverty breaking out.”
Cameron praised his security team’s bravery in not hesitating to lay their hands on a man who was educated in a state school.