Head of Australia’s household Rupert Murdoch is desperately trying to find a gentle way to break the news to the family that Tony Abbott needs to be put to sleep.
“He’s been a good and faithful Prime Minister but the time has come to put him out of his misery”, said Murdoch in hushed tones as the kids tossed a tennis ball around the backyard with Abbott. “He was a great yard PM but now we’re thinking of moving into medium density housing he’ll have to go. Plus he recently attacked an ABC that came to the front door and he’s starting to smell.”
Murdoch hinted that he may get some family friends such as Andrew Bolt to start writing bad things about Abbott so that when the time comes to pretend that he’s been sent to live on a farm in the country the kids won’t be too upset.
“We’ve already taken them down to the pet shop in Westfield and let them watch some cute Julie Bishops and Scott Morrisons play in the window.”