The Labor Party has had to dramatically reschedule its backstabbing program after being caught unawares by the recent Coalition leadership crisis.
“We thought we had two or three terms in the political wilderness after the last election and hadn’t made any major plans for any backstabbing till at least mid 2018”, said opposition leader Bill Shorten. “We hadn’t banked on Tony Abbott being such an unbelievable twat that he’d find himself on the brink of being booted out after just one term.”
“We’re going to have to compact a good seven or eight years worth of undermining and skullduggery into a time frame of just over two years”, said Anthony Albanese. “It’s a challenge we’re all looking forward to and I’m confident that we’ll be able to deliver a government full of malice and double-crossing if the Australian public gives us the mandate.”
Labor Party strategists have been working late into the early hours of the morning devising a truncated program of mudslinging and cattiness, calling upon the so called “greybeards” of the Party such as Graeme Richardson and Gareth Evans for advice.
Shorten and Albanese both stared blankly at The (un)Australian when asked if Labor had plans to develop any policies in time for the next elecion.