Prime Minister Tony Abbott in a statement to parliament today revealed he had been radicalised by ISIS propaganda. Mr Abbott told the house he had been searching death cult websites in an effort to design a counter propaganda program when he felt a strange urge to cut off Malcolm Turnbull’s head on television.
It was only when he ordered the Minister for Foreign Affairs and Trade to fast track his visa to Iraq that the alarm was raised.
Parliament House security staff later removed several computer hard drives and a plastic sword from the PM’s office and handed them over to the Australian Federal Police.
Mr Abbott later apologised to Communications Minister Turnbull but did say there were some good things about the death cult.
He told the (un)Australian, “They were lifters not leaners, and the disaffected youth could learn a lot from how they go about things. Nobody is giving them handouts.
“You don’t build a caliphate by sitting around playing on your iPad mini.”
In an unrelated announcement the Prime Minister’s office announced a new strict dress code for his staff and banned all female parliamentary staffers from looking him in the eye or speaking in his presence.
Damien Ryan
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