A public holiday has been called in England overnight to celebrate the fact that their beleaguered cricket team has finally had a victory after they successfully beat an egg whilst making an omelette for breakfast.
In what has been a troubled tour for the English cricket team, who failed to make it past the qualifying stages of the World Cup, the beating of the egg is seen as a turnaround in the country’s fortunes.
Former player Geoffrey Boycott talked to The (un)Australian about the significance of the team beating the egg, saying: “When England lost the initial Ashes series in the 1800s everyone thought that was the death of English cricket, but the players went away beat a few eggs and some county sides and then in 2005 they won back the Ashes. so looking at this I’d say we will win the World cup in the year 2200, I think it’s due to be hosted that year by Qatar.”
The English cricket team has been heavily mocked over their early exit from the World Cup by everyone from the English tabloids to the Japanese cricket team. Even ISIS got in on the action, saying: “No need to behead an English cricketer just put them on the field and they’ll lose their heads anyway.”
Though England did manage to beat the egg, they didn’t manage to put together the omelette. When asked his thoughts on the process of putting together an omelette, England coach (for now) Peter Moores said, “We need to get across the data.”
Mark Williamson
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The (un)Australian 