Vegan Knows Restaurant That Sells ‘The Best Corn’

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Gerard Styles, a 22 year old barista from trendy East-Riverton, NSW, has allayed concerns from his non-vegan friends about where they should go for dinner by assuring his companions that he knows a restaurant that sells “the best corn”.

Mr Styles volunteered to arrange dinner plans following several previous calamitous bookings from friends who couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just order the salad and pick out the pieces of chicken and cheese.

Several friends expressed their concern that if Mr Styles was in charge of choosing where to book, they would be forced to eat “rabbit food”. Rabbits are known among the animal kingdom for eating dishes like vegan tacos and are often considered caitiff among those higher up in the food chain, like humans or particularly aggressive breeds of penguin.

In an attempt to assuage complaints, Mr Styles chose Tofu Am I, a not-for-profit restaurant often exploited by university students who think ‘pay what you think the meal is worth’ means the same as ‘pretend to put something in the donation box and walk out without drawing attention to yourself’.

Tofu Am I is a fantastic restaurant for the more omnivorous. It’s completely vegan, but you can hardly tell. They prepare their tofu so it doesn’t taste like tofu and their lentil casserole so it doesn’t taste like lentils,” Mr Styles informed the (un)Australian.

Not all of Mr Styles’ friends were convinced, however;

“Look, if I wanted to eat vegetables, I wouldn’t be battling this case of scurvy,” Kent Graham, one of Mr Styles’ acquaintances explained.

Despite voices of dissent, Mr Styles thinks the dinner will be a big success;

“If these people just tried something new, I’m sure they’d enjoy it. Hell, some might even embrace the vegan lifestyle. Did you know Michael Franti of Michael Franti & Spearhead is a vegan? You can become as cool as Michael Franti!”

Matthew Farthing is the community reporter for The (un)Australian. He has embraced the vegan lifestyle. If you weren’t already aware of that fact, you must not have had more than a 30 second conversation with him.

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