Bill Shorten Asks To Be Knifed As Leader Sooner Rather Than Later


Federal Opposition leader and soon-to-be star of the ABC documentary The Killing Season Part 2, Bill Shorten has called on his ALP colleagues to rally together and knife him sooner rather than later.

Mr Shorten spoke to The (un)Australian about his request to be knifed, saying: “Look, we know it’s on just not when, so if my colleagues could do it sooner rather than later then I could tee up some lucrative TV spots. I hear Channel 9 is looking for someone to man their election coverage.”

Mr Shorten took the reigns of the ALP after former, two-time, two-time prime minister Kevin Rudd’s defeat at the last federal election.

When pushed on who he tipped to be the one to knife him, Mr Shorten was reflective, saying: “You never know, it could be Tanya, Albo, Tony Burke, he seemed to have gained a taste for it ol’ Burkey. Or it might be from left field, has anyone heard from Paul Howes recently?”

Bill Shorten will be appearing this July in the Royal Commission Into Trade Union Governance and, should he be knifed, will also be seen on this year’s season of Dancing With The Stars.

Mark Williamson

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Categories: Politics

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