Fresh from being sworn in as the new Treasurer at Government House, The (un)Australian was able to sit down for a brief interview with the normally reticent Scott Morrison.
Looking somewhat flushed and bouncing occasionally in his seat, Mr Morrison expressed his deep and abiding respect for Joe Hockey and his work as Treasurer, only sniggering a few times, before talking about his excitement at his appointment.
“While I’ve found the work in my previous portfolios extremely rewarding, I have long felt limited in what I was able to do to … for … for this country. Until now, I’ve only been able to be an unmitigated, heartless arsehole to specific groups of people – the poor, Aboriginal people, the disabled, old people, refugees.
“And to be honest, most of those were coming off a fairly low base to begin with, so didn’t represent much of a challenge. Likewise I’ve been frustrated at not being in a position to help and support the real Australian battlers who are doing it tough – mining magnates, transnational corporations, China, coal.
“Now I have much greater scope for action. I’ll effectively have every Australian citizen within reach and under my sway. Not to mention the damage I can inflict through prudent and judicious use of my powers on the environment, science, schools, the health system, and any number of small countries with any sort of dependence on Australia.”
At this point, one of Mr Morrison’s minders suggested this was perhaps not the time for him to be pitching his prime ministerial credentials, and terminated the interview.