Australians Just Happy Malcolm Turnbull’s Helping Someone’s Economy


Australians have expressed relief that Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has shown his willingness to help the economy, even if the economy in question happens to that of the Cayman Islands’.

Mr Turnbull was criticised by the Labor Opposition over revelations he holds personal investments in the Caribbean tax haven of the Cayman Islands, including two registered at an address described by US President Barack Obama as “the biggest tax scam on record”.

But the news has been met with relief among Australian voters, who said they were pleased the new prime minister was “helping someone’s economy”, even if only via tax minimising schemes halfway around the world.

“Yeah, look it would be pretty cool if there was a bit more investment in our economy, like maybe get some manufacturing back up and running to stop the seemingly endless loss of jobs,” Brad Wilcott, one of the 500 steel workers at BlueScope to be sacked in the company’s latest round of job cuts, told The (un)Australian.

“I mean I not sure how I’m going to get the kids through school once the retrenchment package runs out, but Cayman Islands bank employees also have mouths to feed as well and it’s great to know our prime minister’s investment will help ensure they’ll be alright.”

“It can be really hard to make ends meet,” single mother Sam Micalef said. “I mean I am putting myself through a uni course by working a couple of jobs as a waitress and bar person, and yeah I mean if you got rid of penalty rates I might be a bit screwed, so I get how important it is for Cayman banking executives to negotiate a good deal, so I am glad our PM’s contributions can help.”  

A spokesperson for Mr Turnbull’s office told The (un)Australian that the allegations he was seeking to dodge tax obligations was unfounded, and all the investments  invested in the Cayman Islands to minimise tax were unfounded, as all the income was subjected to Australian tax laws.

“Oh that is great to know,” Micalef said. “So it will definitely go towards Tony Abbott’s pension? I was getting quite worried about that.”

Carlo Sands

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Categories: Politics

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