The World Health Organisation has retracted a study that revealed a connection between bowel cancer and bacon after an alert staff member discovered that the doctor presenting the results was actually two pigs dressed up in a long white lab coat.
“The presentation he gave was certainly impressive with lots of graphs and pie charts,” said Dr Hermione Trotter, head of ontological research at WHO. “No-one questioned his credentials because he had a stethoscope around his neck. We were on the verge of recommending a world wide ban on bacon and sausages when one of our secretaries noticed something out of the ordinary.”
“I happened to see a little curly tail poking out from the back of his lab coat”, said UN stenographer Penny Stencil. “So I quietly went out and procured a bucket of slops from a nearby city farm and brought it into the meeting room. The fake doctor started salivating and forgetting his statistics and finally he dropped the pretence altogether and both of them leapt squealing from the rostrum and attacked the bucket.”
The bogus bacon study follows on from a similar attempt to discredit chicken nuggets carried out by seven chickens dressed up as an expert on heart disease.
“We’ve stepped up our screening procedures and any doctor wearing anything longer than a poncho will be x-rayed on the way into the building,” said WHO security chief Warren Truncheon. “You’ll have to excuse me, I’ve got to go to a lecture on the dangers of horse meat that’s currently being delivered by a doctor with a really long face.”