The estimated size of the universe has been drastically reduced as the world’s astronomers have embarrassingly admitted that they’ve been staring at space through the wrong end of their telescopes.
“When you look through the right end of a telescope objects that are far away appear to be much closer and alternately, if you look through the wrong end things that are very close appear to be a long way away,” said red faced Sydney Observatory astronomer Zoe Nebula. “We’ve only just found out that all our telescopes have been fitted the wrong way around.”
“The moon is in fact only 300 feet from the Earth and if you’ve got a good aim you could hit it with a slingshot,” said a sheepish Carl Redshift, chief astronomer at NASA. “This if course means that the universe is much younger than we thought. At a guess by judging by the age of the most distant objects we can see the Big Bang happened some time in the mid 1980s.”
Contractors have been brought in to turn all the world’s telescopes around so that they are pointing the right direction. In the meantime, astronomers hope to continue their exploration of deep space by squinting when looking at the night sky.
“On the plus side this will cut the cost of a manned mission to Mars enormously,” said astronaut Cheryl Van Allen. “Instead of building a big space ship we can probably get there by hot air balloon. And instead of suspended animation, we’ll only need to put the crew into a suspended nap for half an hour or so.”