The NSW government reports that the forced mergers of local councils will considerably streamline the process of corruption leading to massive savings for dodgy property developers and crooked service providers.
“At the moment shifty apartment builders need to bribe 193 different town planners to get zoning laws changed,” said Lenny Bagman, the Minister for Localised Corruption. “Shady garbage contracting firms are forced to spend close to a million dollars a year simply on brown paper bags to put big wads of cash in. That’s ridiculously inefficient.”
Many councillors oppose the mergers, saying that ratepayers prefer being ripped off by local people rather than faceless crims imposed on them by Macquarie Street.
“I think people would rather have butt ugly blocks of flats that destroy the character of their neighbourhood built by someone that they know and distrust,” said Con Artist, mayor of the Sydney municipality of Sussville. “We’ll fight tooth and nail to ensure that the filthy lucre derived from paving over your favourite park to put up some duplexes stays in the community and doesn’t line the pockets of some stranger from two suburbs away.”
“Apparently people ‘like’ having their small local councils, as if doing what the people ‘like’ is any way to run a government,” said Bagman. “The biggest problem I can see is that we’ll have to merge all the sister cities that local councils have made over the years in other countries, which looks like a shitload of work for someone.”