Chaos Descends In Sydney As Burger Place Opens

In and out

Sydney was thrown into bedlam yesterday following the opening of a new burger joint, the BBC is reporting.

While news in the affected region is naturally limited as a result of such an unprecedented restaurant being opened in such a populated area, we can confirm the pop-up shop was deployed in Surry Hills and could have affected up to 500 people.

“Whoever did this knew what they were doing,” a spokesperson for ASIO advised reporters. “They were very familiar with the psychology of the local residents. They knew a burger store was the most effective way to spread disruption.”

Early reports from the scene indicate that people lined up from 6am just to buy a burger. Lines stretched back along Bourke street, totaling an estimated 500 people. Despite hundreds being told they would not be served, hundreds lined up anyway, begging and pleading for a burger which they could have bought from anywhere. Many in the line could not believe a just and loving God would allow for a burger joint to open without letting them purchase a burger.

The store in question is believed to be an In-And-Out Burger, an American chain famous for putting meat and cheese between two slices of bread. Without any other options for such a product, many Sydney-siders remain in line and will eventually starve if not provided with food and a side serving of fries and a soft drink.

Most of the casualties are expected to be young Caucasian adults in their mid-to-late twenties, who mistakenly believe being passionate about fast food the way normal people are passionate about great art is the same as having a personality.

The Australian Government stressed that this was not ‘an issue of religion’ and that the people establishing an In-And-Out Burger shop into a homogeneous and overcrowded market place were not ‘real’ foodies. However, Andrew Bolt and other conservative commentators have questioned why moderate foodies were not publicly condemning the action.

This is the latest in a series of burger related incidents in Australia. In 2013, George St descended into anarchy when Lord Of The Fries opened it’s first location, and late last year the Inner West fell victim to the establishment of Jack’s Newtown which saw lines of up to 2 hours despite the many better food options available in the area.

Matthew Farthing is the Food Reporter for the (un)Australian. He believes the spate of Australians forming insane queues for dumb things will get worse before it gets better.

https://twitter.com/MattJFarthing

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