Alan Jones Receives Top Honour In International Women’s Day Awards


Sydney broadcaster Alan Jones has been named Feminist Ally of The Year at a star-studded lunch overlooking Sydney Harbour today as part of International Women’s Day celebrations.

In a move that has outraged feminists, the Feminist Ally of The Year award has replaced Woman of The Year as the premier prize. The top gong now includes a phallic trophy, a life membership of The Australian Club and $27,000 more in cash than the Woman of The Year recipient.

Destroy the Joint’s Jenna Price had to be hospitalized upon hearing the news as her blood had reached the temperature at which a liquid becomes a gas.

The Turnbull government’s Minister for Women, Michalia Cash, was reluctant to criticize Mr Jones’ award however a spokesman has told The (un)Australian the senator was disappointed to note the winner was “yet another bloody feminist”.

Two hundred of the nation’s most successful women attended the Sex and The City themed event hosted by channel 7’s Samantha Armytage at Rose Bay restaurant Catalina.

Mr Jones was not listed as a speaker in the order of ceremonies but, as expected, thoroughly explained the importance of his achievements and lent the proceedings the much-needed gravitas that only an elderly man shouting over a cacophony of girlish giggling and hooting can give.

Tim Govers

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