Spider Overpopulation Causes Rising Web Prices


Sydney’s spider plague has been blamed for a sharp rise in the cost of webs, with many generation Y spiders facing the prospect of being permanently priced out of the web market.

“This has been a great summer in terms of flies and mozzies to eat but it also means that prime web real estate on pairs of trees straddling the front path has been snapped up by baby boomer spiders and web investors,” said market analyst Charlotte Webber from Ray White-Tailed Real Estate. “We’re seeing situations where as many as ten funnel webs are living in the same sand shoe.”

“I’m being forced to rent a dusty old daddy long legs web rather than build my own trapdoor in the leaf litter,” complained millennial trap door spider Peter Parker. “By my calculations the typical huntsman spider will have to do two shifts a day for ten years hanging about on the wall beside sleeping humans just to save up enough money for a deposit on a tiny web around the side of the house between the meter box and the fence.”

Negative gearing, a shortage of rusty old watering cans and an influx of red backed red-back spiders from China have all been blamed for the web price bubble.

“Instead of buying their own webs we’re going to see many young spiders living at home for much longer,” warned web housing expert Fiona Itsy-Bitsy. “Older married spiders looking forward to retirement are instead having to cope with five thousand adult kids still living on the parental web.”

Peter Green

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