Speaking on condition of anonymity, a high-ranking ISIS official told The (un)Australian from an unknown location in northern Iraq that Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull’s much-criticised comments on ISIS strategy after the group’s latest atrocities in Brussels were basically correct.
“Yes, your infidel leader is right,” the ISIS official said. “Obviously, when we plan our murderous assaults on the West, the very first thing we think of is ‘who’ll volunteer to join the millions of desperate Syrian refugees, many fleeing our own terror, in camps in terrible conditions in Lebanon where they’ll rot indefinitely unless they pay exorbitant fees to people smugglers to place them on overcrowded boats for a dangerous journey across the Mediterranean in which people are increasingly dying, and, if they actually make it alive to Greece, join with the countless thousands of other desperate people in camps in terrible conditions where they’ll rot indefinitely, unless they join thousands of desperate people in a desperate bid for the Hungarian border, assuming the giant wall they’re planning hasn’t been built yet, and if they survive the tear gas and batons, they’ll join thousands of people rotting indefinitely in terrible conditions until maybe, one day, if they are among the lucky minority, they might eventually be accepted for resettlement somewhere in a random European nation. And then strike!’
“It is simply the most efficient, cost-effective way to enter Europe we could think of. You know, one of our brothers actually suggested using our wealth from the seized oil we sell to Turkey to actually just buy a couple of fake passports and plane tickets and fly in. Just ridiculous.”
The official added that the original idea had come from another well-known Australian. “Mr Turnbull wasn’t the first to raise this idea. We first heard it last year from Australia’s world-renowned security expert Pauline Hanson. As soon as we heard it we thought ‘of course!’ You know, for a country of infidels, you are blessed with many great minds.”