The Liberal Party is re-thinking its key election platform of “jobs and growth” less than two weeks into campaigning after realising it could benefit “illiterate and innumerate” refugees.
Liberal spin-doctors went into overdrive yesterday to clarify that the party’s plan to increase ‘jobs’ by providing underpaid internships would be ring-fenced for desperate Australians.
“The Liberal Party’s underpaid internship program will benefit illiterate and innumerate Australian citizens only,” said a party spokesperson. “The program will be open only to Australians who can’t count or read a payslip.”
The refugee community has welcomed the move, saying it has suffered enough hardship already. “I understand this internship program will pay as little as $4 an hour – that’s shocking,” said Syrian refugee Mohamed al-Bassam.
“I have nothing but compassion in my heart for these Australian people who will be forced into indentured servitude, earning less than their train fare.”
Speaking unnecessarily through a translator, Mr al-Bassam, a molecular physicist and renowned author, told The (un)Australian he found out about the “jobs and growth” program after seeing a cartoon on the front cover of The Daily Telegraph when he was queuing up to buy his copy of New Scientist.
It is thought the clarification to this key election platform could affect the literally dozens of refugees who have so far made it into Australia out of the government’s pledged intake of 25,750 for 2015-16.