A Labor MP claims there is no connection at all between the property inspection he ordered for the tenants of his $2.3 million investment property with and the erection of a sign in support of a rival Greens candidate on the front lawn of the heavily negatively geared dwelling.
“It’s a total coincidence that I commissioned this long overdue, extremely thorough inspection of the property the day after they whacked up a poster for the Greens,” said frontbencher David Feeney as he roamed the house with a clipboard ticking off every contravention of the rental agreement. “I’m just doing what any good landlord should do and that is to make sure no damage has been done to my residence.”
Feeney found a long list of problems with his occupants. They included; broken Scotch Finger biscuit in the biscuit tin, thin layer of dust on the inner curve of the Venetian blinds, improperly folded hospital corners on the bedsheets, all strands of the shag pile rug in the rumpus room not leaning in the same direction, toilet seat left slightly warmer than room temperature and the presence of the boxed set of Breaking Bad in the living room proof that drugs were being manufactured on the premises.
“I didn’t even know that leaving one pube attached to the soap or that not having the fridge magnets evenly spaced were reasons for being evicted, ” said now homeless former tenant Ralph Melfus. “Mr Feeney’s parting suggestion that maybe I could burn the Greens poster on a bonfire to keep me warm as I sleep in a box was hardly called for.”
Mr Feeney is now free to move into the property that lies within his seat of Batman, though he indicated that he would for the time being stay living just outside of the electorate in stately Wayne Manor with his young ward Dick Grayson and his butler Alfred.