Campbell’s Soup company has released a new line of Barnaby Joyce-flavoured inbred tomato soup in time for winter.
“We’re delighted that Johnny Depp has come on-board to help promote our new variety of slightly thick vegetable extract,” said Campbell’s head of soup technology Andrew Woreholl. “Just like Barnaby, it gets redder when agitated, sticks in your throat and leaves you with a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.”
Meanwhile actor Johnny Depp has been rescued from his trash compactor, where his housekeeper threw him after accidentally mistaking him for a two week old piece of inbred celery.
“I thought that Johnny was a droopy old piece of celery that he had stuck in the bottom drawer of the fridge and forgotten to eat,” said Depp’s housekeeper Manuela Jumpstreet. “It was only after he started a half arsed apology for clogging up the mechanism of the garbage compactor that I realised that it was him.”
Depp has taken time out from his busy schedule of promoting his new movie Johnny Depp Takes A Publicity Still Of Himself In Character Make Up And That’s Where He Stops Trying to film a half arsed apology to say sorry to everyone who spent their hard earned money on a ticket to see Dark Shadows.
Peter Green
http://www.twitter.com/Greeny_Peter
You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter or like us on facebook.
Categories: News
Column: Mark Latham’s Guide To Being A Cook 
Stressed-Out Climate Scientist Secretly Pretty Happy With This Weather 
Only Cask Wine From The Goon Region Allowed to Be Called Goon 
Dastyari To Debut New Segment ‘Beijing Today’ On The Kyle And Jackie O Show 
Leave a Reply