The leader of the Australian Sex Party has resigned after being caught conducting a scandalous long term stable marriage with his wife.
“I’ve let the party down, I’ve let the voters down… but most of all I’ve let my outrageously hot looking secretary Gloria down,” said senator Clive Tickler in a teary press conference. “The pressure of having to maintain an image of non stop rogering got to me and I sought solace in the arms of dreary domesticity.”
In a series of late night e-mails Tickler constantly hounded his wife with requests for whether or not she needed him to pick up any milk from the shops. His Instagram account allegedly showed him sharing a sofa with his wife watching the entire fourth season of Downton Abbey, though those photos have since been deleted.
“We’ve asked Mr Tickler to please explain why he hasn’t been using his parliamentary computer to access any porn,” said parliament clerk Lester Hansard. “His records show over 200,000 hits to sites explaining economic theory which he claims are pop-ups that he and his staff have looked at only for purposes of research.”
“The perverts and deviants of this country demand an explanation,” said local gimp Peter Meisel. “Hopefully the next leader will do his or her duty and spend their spare time frolicking in a waterhole with a bevy of topless babes like a model from a Norman Lindsay painting.”