Anarchist Election Campaign Concedes Defeat After No One Sets Parliament House Alight

anarchist

With a number of lower house seats and the full make of the Senate still undecided days after the July 2 federal elections, a Sydney-based anarchist collective has formally conceded defeat after no voters heeded its call to burn down Parliament House.

A spokesperson for the Sydney University Anarcho-Syndicalist Collective, which hung a banner on the university footbridge over Parramatta Road that read “Set fire to Parliament!”, told The (un)Australian: “As well as the banner, we also had a series of posters right through all the key inner-west cafe strips, right from Glebe Point Road to the Summer Hill Village, calling on people to attack all ‘political scum’, but this clearly failed to materialise.

“We refrained from releasing a statement on Saturday night, as the ongoing vote made the situation unclear and we had hopes the news Derryn Hinch was entering the Senate might cause a spontaneous surge towards Parliament House by thousands armed with rags and petrol cans. But we must now acknowledge that our election campaign has not succeeded.”

The spokesperson said: “We must all accept our responsibilities for this failure. For instance, I was meant to arrive in Canberra on Saturday arvo to set it on fire, but I smoked too many bongs the night before and missed the bus.”

A detailed “inner-collective” review has now been announced to develop a full and frank report on the campaign’s failings, tasked with developing a set of proposals for a way forward to successfully set parliament on fire in the next federal elections.  

With neither major party yet able to form a new government, the spokesperson also conceded the anarchist group was feeling a bit disappointed with the consequences of of an absence of government.

“We had always hoped the absence of governing power would open the way for self-governing communes and worker-run enterprises to flourish, uniting on a voluntary basis of solidarity to form a new stateless society,” the spokesperson said, “but so far the most exciting thing to happen is Andrew Bolt has called for the return of Tony Abbott.”

“I mean that’s pretty funny, but it does fall a bit short of a replacing global capitalism with a system of international cooperation based on free men and women.”

Carlo Sands

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Categories: Politics

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