Nine Malaysian nationals are facing long jail terms after refusing to strip down and streak at a Matador Cup cricket match last night in Perth.
“I turned around and was absolutely shocked to see a big bunch of blokes in business suits sipping tea and not chanting that any of the players was a wanker,” said horrified spectator Audrey Fitzgibbons from Subiaco. “How dare these guys come to our country and treat our customs with such disrespect. As far as I know they didn’t even start building a beer snake.”
“To think that they did this while not even wearing thongs or an Aussie flag around their neck,” said enraged WACA ground official Trent Kelly. “We even sent security guards over to say that we’d mind their togs for them if any of them wanted to jump the fence and do a nudie run over the top of the stumps. They simply bowed at us in a threateningly polite manner and continued to clap each boundary as if they thought that was an acceptable way to behave.”
The Malaysian ambassador has apologised on behalf of the nine who were travelling through Australia on a fact finding mission for a charity devoted to helping blind orphans.
“These young men have made a mistake and wish to make it up to the Australian people to whom they have caused great offence,” said the ambassador. “To this end we shall be playing “Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again” in court and I expect all nine of them to call out “no way get fucked fuck off” at the appropriate time.”