International cyber hacking experts believe a recent breach in the security of the Australian Bureau of Meteorology’s computer system can be traced back to the Chinese government wanting to steal plans for the construction of their own Tim Bailey.
“China has long sought after a chirpy weatherman to make their weather reports compatible with those of western nations,” said Dr Ida Jessup, lecturer in Sino-Australian relations at the University of Dunedoo. “Satellite spy photographs have shown secret herds of annoyingly upbeat blonde haired meteorologists roaming a base in the Gobi Desert.”
“We just can’t seem to make our own dour weathermen as irritatingly effervescent as the one they call Tim Bailey,” said Geoff Lee, producer of Shanghai’s News At Five. “We built a robotic sunburnt hobbit but it exploded trying to get its tongue around the phrase “business of the brolly”. Millions of viewers in small towns all over China frantically want to be seen lurking in the background whilst some hyperactive twit rabbits on about predicted precipitation and drips and drops over the rooftops of their hutong.”
The attack is the first since the mid 1980s when Russian agents unsuccessfully attempted to infiltrate the Bureau with sleeper agents in an effort to steal the plans for Brian Bury.
“There was an incident involving a foreign power accessing highly sensitive parts of our system detailing the specifications for constructing a gratingly extroverted weather prat,” said Bureau of Meteorology security chief Allan Robson. “We take the security of Tim Bailey very seriously and if need be we’ll strap him to a very tall pole during a thunderstorm and let him get struck by lightning rather than let him fall into the hands of hostile forces.”