Peakhurst backyard cricketer Peter ‘Greenie’ Green is filthy at the Australian cricket selectors after he was not considered for the third Test against South Africa despite scoring an unbeaten century in the backyard of his mum’s house on a seaming pitch.
Mr Green spoke to The (un)Australian during an innings break as he tended to the BBQ, saying: “These selectors are kidding themselves, they said they were going to pick on form yet Maddison didn’t hit a century in his last innings, but I did.”
“I mean what more can I do? I batted for 40 minutes in the hot sun, saw off Uncle Larry’s probing line and length and then carted Cousin Issy’s leg spin to all parts of the garden, I guess in Australian cricket it’s not what you know but who you know, eh.”
When reached for comment Australia’s new chief selector Trevor Hohns said of Peter Green’s claims: “We were not going to pick a player out of the left-field, the last time we did that we ended up with Nathan Lyon and look where that got us. I mean if he didn’t have compromising pictures of my fellow selector Mark Waugh wearing a shirt he bought at Lowes then we could drop him for a real spinner.”
As for Mr Green, he plans to keep scoring runs with upcoming games planned against his cousins, neighbours and eight-year-old nephew. With water restrictions coming into place in Peakhurst Mr Green’s Mother’s backyard pitch is tipped to move from seam friendly to a dust bowl, which is ideal preparation for Australia’s upcoming tour of India.