The CIA has unveiled credible evidence that hackers from Russia are attempting to undermine the democratic process of choosing Australia’s most popular television personality.
“As part of Vladimir Putin’s long term strategy of destabilising the western entertainment industry he has authorised a cyber attack on the TV Week Logie Awards in an effort to give Bert Newton the Gold Logie,” said Alexander Scott, the CIA’s head of variety and light entertainment counter intelligence. “The Russian leader has never forgiven the producers of the Harry Potter movies for making Dobby the House Elf look like him and he is now exacting his revenge.”
“It’s no coincidence that Wikileaks has released a video of Scotty Cam hitting himself in the thumb with a hammer just a week before voting closes,” said television gossip columnist Joey Bigglesworth. “Expect to hear more rumours about Karl Stefanovic being a robot and candid pictures of Samantha Armytage wearing granny drawers as the deadline approaches.”
The disclosure has led to speculation of Russian interference in results earlier in the year with the legitimacy of voting in The Bachelor and Masterchef being questioned by seasoned industry insiders.
“Is it just a coincidence that a Cossack dancer won Australia’s Got Talent and that the winner of the X Factor sang the Russian national anthem,” said television historian Rita Morgenstern. “We should have been more alert to this after a restaurant serving nothing but borscht won My Kitchen Rules.”