The US President will begin listening to what scientists have to say if they start dressing up in fancy costumes and behave more like professional wrestlers.
“Science has a lot to learn from professional wrestling which is a byword for integrity and is 100% the most trustworthy profession on the planet,” declared Mr Trump from the White House. “If bad guy scientists who are making frankensteins in their labs dressed up as villains and scientists working on cures for cancer dressed up like good guys and acted heroic in front of the kids I’d be able to tell which scientists to cheer and which ones to boo.”
The Swedish Academy has responded to Mr Trump’s request by changing the name of this year’s Nobel Prizes to Sciencemania XXXIII and inviting Hulk Hogan out of retirement to take part in a tag team match with Neil Degrasse Tyson, Brian May and The Undertaker.
“It’s amazing to learn their are people out there who still don’t know that science is fake,” said climate change proponent Tim Flannery who sciences under the professional name of The Rising Thermometer. “The front rows of my laboratory are filled with screaming crowds of well dressed people with perfect teeth urging me on to slam some more global temperature records into the database and they genuinely believe that what I’m doing is real.”