Trump Nukes China After Nasi Goreng Take Away 10 Minutes Late


In the latest embarrassing diplomatic gaffe involved Donald Trump, the new United States president has launched multiple nuclear strikes on China when a take away Nasi goreng meal he ordered was 10 minutes late to the White House, despite aides seeking to clarify that the fried rice dish actually originated from Indonesia.

Working later than his usual 5:30pm deadline, Mr Trump had decided to order in and called up local restaurant Java Nights to deliver to the Oval Office. Aides say when the dish failed to arrive within the promised 20 minutes, the president grew agitated and began ranting in a geographically erroneous fashion about Chinese duplicity.

Just seconds before slamming his fist down on the red nuclear button, Mr Trump tweeted: “So China’s been taking out massive amounts of money & wealth from the US in totally one-sided trade but won’t help with my rice dish? Nice!”

With multiple Chinese cities lying in smouldering ruins and tens of millions dead, a White House spokesperson sought to downplay the situation as a simple misunderstanding, telling The (un)Australian: “Look, everyone knows the president is a KFC man. The only reason President Trump even ordered the dish in the first place was he simply misheard his chief adviser Steve Bannon when Steve was singing the praises of the Nazi Goeri… actually maybe don’t print that.”

Ironically, the Nasi goreng finally arrived after 32 minutes, clearly falling within the Java Nights’ “30 minutes late and it’s free” policy for take-away orders. A somewhat mollified Mr Trump was just about to tuck in when the first Chinese retaliatory nuke struck Washington DC.

Carlo Sands

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Categories: World

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